Accra, Ghana – Many Ghanaian parents use the words "discipline" and "punishment" interchangeably — but the two aren't the same, and confusing them may be undermining efforts to raise responsible children, according to two parenting experts on Sunny 88.7 FM and Sunny TV's Cradle to Crayon Show.
Speaking on the show, which airs Friday mornings from 9:30–10:00am with a Saturday repeat, Madame Barbara Lako Aryee, a tutor at the National Nursery Teachers Training Centre and children's book author, drew a clear line between the two.
"Discipline teaches the child to manage their behaviour and do things better going forward. Punishment aims at inflicting pain or withholding fun from the child because of what they did wrong. Punishment deals with what's already been done — discipline looks forward."
It's Never Too Early — Or Too Late — To Start
Lako Aryee said parents can begin instilling discipline as soon as a child is able to understand cause and effect.
"It's never too early to start," she said. "As soon as the child is able to understand that there are consequences for their behaviour, that's when correcting can begin."
Dr. Hilda Mantebea Boye, of JH Health Corner and also speaking on the show, added that it's equally never too late — even with teenagers who may already be showing signs of being "free range."
"If you realise your children are on their phones or gadgets all the time and going off track, seize them, hide them, put your boundaries down and start putting your foot down," she said. "If you become consistent from then on, they themselves will tell you, 'I can see mommy has changed — there's order at home now.'"
Why Consistency Matters More Than Anger
Both guests agreed that consistency — not the intensity of a reaction — determines whether discipline actually works.
"If you excuse one behaviour because of your mood, you are sending the wrong signal," Lako Aryee said. "You are helping the child see that if they push further, you will give in — and that alone derails the whole idea of discipline."
Dr. Mantey-Boye illustrated this with a common example: a child who throws tantrums to get what they want. "If, whenever they misbehave, the parent panics and gives them what they want, you are just reinforcing that bad behaviour," she said. She recommended household routines — like a consistent morning routine of waking, making the bed, and washing up — so children always know what's expected of them.
Shouting Doesn't Work — Calm Does
Lako Aryee pushed back directly on a common parenting instinct: raising your voice.
"Shouting doesn't get anything achieved," she said. "When you shout, the child is just looking at you, getting frightened — or shouting back, and then you have a power struggle in the house. When you are calm, you are better able to manage things than when you shout."
She acknowledged it's easier said than done, but said children are far more likely to open up and follow rules with a calm parent than a loud one — "because they know your response, so they won't tell you, they won't discuss."
Which Rules Are Negotiable — And Which Aren't
Both guests encouraged parents to involve older children in setting household rules and consequences, which increases buy-in. Timing on things like chores, for instance, can be flexible.
But some things, Lako Aryee was clear, are not up for discussion: "When it comes to honesty, truthfulness, and safety — those are non-negotiable, whether the child likes it or not."
Writing rules down and posting them somewhere visible — on the fridge, or a notice board — was another practical tip, along with regularly revisiting them so children don't forget.
The Trap of Repeating Yourself
Responding to a listener's question about a 13-year-old who ignores instructions after being told "repeatedly," Dr. Mantey-Boye had a direct answer: stop repeating.
"When you repeat yourself as a parent, you will not stop — it becomes a habit," she said. "They will wait for your repetition, because they expect you'll call them again, and then maybe shout. Agree on a time the task should be finished, and if it isn't, apply the sanction — no repeating required."
Lako Aryee added that parents facing this should first check whether the original rule was actually clear, and whether sanctions have ever been consistently applied when it was broken.
Discipline Should Come From Love, Not Anger
Dr. Mantey-Boye closed with a reminder for frustrated parents: correction should never leave a child feeling like their parent is simply "wicked" or "too strict."
"Even when you have to discipline them, it should be out of love," she said. "Have the conversation — talk about what happened and why. Children need to understand you want them to ultimately become responsible, not that you just want to punish them."
The Cradle to Crayon Show airs live on Sunny 88.7 FM and Sunny TV every Friday from 9:30–10:00am, with a repeat broadcast Saturdays at 9:30am. The show is sponsored by Bliss Specialist Hospital and Fertility Center.