Many marriages are not being destroyed by one dramatic argument or a single act of betrayal.
Instead, they are slowly being weakened by unresolved pain, repeated misunderstandings and emotional wounds that couples may not even realise they are carrying.
Marriage coaches Michael and Leticia Ohene-Effah say these invisible struggles often shape how husbands and wives communicate, respond to conflict and interpret each other's behaviour.
Speaking on Love Unscripted on the Inspirational Morning Drive on Sunny 88.7 FM, the couple introduced the theme for the 2026 Sunny Couples Retreat: Heartstrings: Healing Hidden Wounds, Building Lasting Love.
The retreat is designed to help couples move beyond surface-level disagreements and identify the deeper issues influencing their marriages.
The Arguments May Not Be the Real Problem
According to Leticia Ohene-Effah, many couples repeatedly argue about the same matters without addressing the emotional experiences beneath them.
The disagreement may appear to be about money, parenting, communication, intimacy, household responsibilities or respect. However, the real source of the conflict may be an unspoken expectation, a fear of rejection, a childhood experience or a belief formed long before the marriage began.
"People come together because they love one another, but at some point, they get into perpetual conversations," she explained. "It is the same conversation every day, the same arguments every day and the same disagreements every day."
She said some couples bury their concerns in an attempt to maintain peace, while others allow the disagreements to grow until they begin to believe the relationship has become irreconcilable.
What Are the "Heartstrings" in a Marriage?
Leticia described heartstrings as the visible and invisible forces that can either hold a couple together or pull them apart. These strings include the friendship that first connected the couple, the expectations they brought into the marriage, their family backgrounds and the emotional wounds they may never have discussed.
"There are two hearts coming together to form oneness, but in relationships, there are visible and invisible strings that are holding us together or pulling us apart," she said.
She explained that some of the most powerful influences on marriage are the things couples do not know about themselves or their spouses — deeply held beliefs, painful experiences, fears and assumptions developed many years earlier.
The purpose of the retreat, she said, is to help couples examine the strings that brought them together, the strings that can keep them together and those that may now be creating distance.
Your Spouse Has a Story You May Not Fully Understand
Michael Ohene-Effah said many spouses experience only the visible behaviour of their partners without understanding the history behind it. He compared a person's visible behaviour to the front of a long trailer.
"What we see in our marriages and relationships is only the head of the trailer," he explained. "The trailer is at the back, and sometimes the back is ten times longer and bigger than the head."
The unseen part, he said, includes how a person was raised, how conflict was handled in their childhood home and whether they were encouraged to express their emotions. Some people grew up in families where they were allowed to speak openly. Others were taught that children should be seen and not heard. Those experiences can later affect how they respond to conflict in marriage.
One spouse may want to discuss a disagreement immediately, while the other withdraws, goes silent or avoids the conversation altogether. Without understanding the history behind these reactions, couples may misinterpret emotional withdrawal as disrespect, indifference or a lack of love.
Even Strong Christian Couples Can Become Disconnected
Michael said religious commitment alone does not prevent emotional distance from developing in a marriage. A couple may be active in church, serve in ministry and appear spiritually strong, yet still struggle to communicate honestly at home.
"You can be Holy Ghost-filled. You can be the worship leader. You can speak in tongues," he said. "But anytime there is a little conflict, your husband shuts down, does not talk or stays out of the house."
He said such behaviour is often being driven by something deeper. The spouse may not be consciously trying to cause pain — the person may simply be responding according to emotional patterns developed earlier in life.
Michael warned that many couples gradually grow apart because they fail to resolve the small incidents that repeatedly create disconnection.
"We love each other, but we tend to grow distant day by day because of little incidents at home that we are not able to resolve," he said, identifying emotional disconnection as one of the major threats facing marriages today.
Falling in Love Is Not the Same as Choosing to Love
During the conversation, Leticia also highlighted the difference between falling in love, being in love and actively loving another person. Falling in love may begin with excitement, curiosity and attraction. Being in love involves a deeper emotional bond. Loving someone, however, requires a daily decision to remain present, committed and intentional.
"There is something about always falling in love on a daily basis," she said. "And then there is choosing to be in love, which is a deeper connection and affection, and also deciding daily to choose this person and do what you must do."
She said healthy couples continually move between these different expressions of love. Marriage is therefore not sustained only by the feelings that brought two people together — it is sustained by friendship, honesty, intentionality and the repeated decision to choose each other.
Friendship Formed the Foundation of Their Marriage
Michael and Leticia also reflected on the friendship that shaped their own relationship. Michael said they were close friends before they became a couple and often discussed their ideas, challenges and aspirations. He realised he was in love when Leticia became the person he wanted to speak to whenever he had a problem — they could talk for hours, sometimes until early in the morning.
For Leticia, the defining moment came when Michael told her an uncomfortable truth respectfully. She said his honesty showed that he was not afraid to engage her at a deeper level. When Michael eventually expressed his love for her, she responded with an unexpected question: "Do you know why you want to love me?" Michael said the question challenged him to go beyond emotion and identify why he truly wanted her in his life.
He believes their ability to hold honest and meaningful conversations has helped sustain their marriage over the years.
Hidden Childhood Wounds Can Influence Adult Decisions
Leticia explained that children raised in the same household can experience their parents differently. One child may be born during a period of financial difficulty, while another may arrive when the family is more stable. One may feel deeply loved, while another may feel overlooked, rejected or abandoned. Those experiences can follow people into adulthood and influence the decisions they make in their careers, friendships and marriages.
She gave the example of a person who grew up feeling rejected by a parent. As an adult, that person may interpret a spouse's request for patience as another form of rejection. The reaction may appear excessive, but it may be connected to a much older emotional wound.
"So their immediate response is, 'I will show you where the power lies,'" she explained.
She said that when such wounds remain unexamined, they can shape thousands of daily decisions and make relationships difficult for everyone involved. Marriage, however, also provides a unique opportunity for vulnerability, understanding and healing.
The Retreat Will Focus on Practical Transformation
Michael said the Sunny Couples Retreat will not be built around lengthy lectures or PowerPoint presentations. Instead, couples will participate in practical exercises, role plays, guided reflections and honest conversations that help them observe their own behaviour, understand how their spouses experience the marriage, and identify the emotional patterns influencing their relationship.
"The assurance is that by the time we are done, couples will have the 'aha' moment," he said. "They will say, 'Now I understand him,' or 'Now I understand why she does this.'"
He said the objective is not to determine which spouse is right or wrong — it is to help couples understand how each person shows up in the marriage and what may be driving their reactions.
Previous Retreats Have Produced Practical Changes
The host of the programme shared how a lesson from an earlier Sunny Couples Retreat had changed the way a conflict was handled at home. After spending time with the children and cleaning the house, the room became untidy again shortly before his wife arrived. Her reaction could easily have triggered an immediate defensive response.
Instead, he remembered the advice to pause and try to understand where his spouse was coming from. Rather than responding angrily, he took time to breathe and reassured her that he would handle the situation. His wife later noticed that his response was unusually calm, and the couple revisited the lessons from the retreat together.
The experience demonstrated how a brief pause, greater empathy and a willingness to understand a spouse's perspective can change the direction of a difficult conversation.
Rebuilding Connection Before It Is Too Late
The message from Michael and Leticia Ohene-Effah is that many couples still love each other, but they have stopped understanding each other. The affection may still be present, yet it is buried beneath disappointment, emotional distance and repeated conflict.
Healing begins when couples become willing to examine the hidden wounds influencing their behaviour. It also requires the courage to listen without becoming defensive, speak honestly without becoming disrespectful and approach conflict with curiosity rather than anger.
The 2026 Sunny Couples Retreat will offer couples the opportunity to rebuild friendship, strengthen emotional connection and gain a deeper understanding of the person they married. For some, the breakthrough may come from finally recognising why a spouse withdraws during conflict. For others, it may come from discovering that an angry reaction is connected to fear, rejection or a painful childhood experience.
The goal is to help couples move from accusation to understanding, and from emotional distance to lasting connection.
Listen to Love Unscripted on the Inspirational Morning Drive: Sunny 88.7 FM — also streaming live at sunnygh.com.