Pastor Dzifa has opened up about a deeply troubled marriage, revealing how desperation to get married caused her to overlook warning signs that she now believes should never have been ignored.
Speaking on Love Unscripted – The Couple Next Door on Sunny 88.7 FM's Inspirational Morning Drive (IMDrive), Pastor Dzifa shared a deeply personal story of love, disappointment, alleged abuse, pregnancy losses and, ultimately, a second opportunity to rebuild her life.
Her story carried a particularly strong warning for unmarried people: do not allow pressure, age, church expectations or the desire to have a wedding push you into ignoring serious red flags.
"I Was Very Desperate"
Pastor Dzifa said she grew up with a positive view of marriage. Her parents had been married for more than five decades, while her pastor and his wife also modelled the kind of loving relationship she hoped to experience.
She therefore entered adulthood believing marriage, though not without disagreements, could be beautiful.
But as she entered her 30s and watched many of her friends get married, the pressure began to build.
As a worship leader who was highly involved in church, she said there was also an expectation that she should have settled down.
She admitted candidly:
"Not just desperate, very desperate."
That desperation affected some of her relationship decisions. She recalled financially supporting previous partners, buying gifts and even renovating the kitchen of one boyfriend's mother in an effort to make a relationship work.
Eventually, she met the man she would marry.
He was in church. He appeared quiet, humble and unassuming.
She thought she had finally found what she had been waiting for.
But there were warning signs.
"I Noticed a Lot of Red Flags"
Looking back, Pastor Dzifa said the signs were not subtle.
"Whilst I was in a relationship, I noticed a lot of red flags. Not a few, a lot of them."
She recalled one frightening incident before their marriage.
Her then-fiancé had told her that a former employer owed him about three months' salary. Believing she could help resolve the matter peacefully, she accompanied him to speak to the employer.
Before going, she specifically asked him not to quarrel with the man and to allow her to handle the conversation.
According to her account, things went badly almost immediately.
She said her fiancé began insulting his former employer, including making an offensive comment about a sore on the man's leg.
The confrontation escalated until, according to Pastor Dzifa, the former employer pulled out a gun.
She recalled the man subsequently telling her:
"You are a nice lady. I don't know why you chose to be with this person. This person will ruin your life."
It was an extraordinary warning.
But she still went ahead.
"We Had Distributed Invitation Cards"
Pastor Dzifa said that after the incident, she knew she had got herself into trouble.
Yet she felt unable to turn back.
The wedding preparations had advanced.
Invitation cards had already been distributed.
And she desperately wanted to be married.
"Something kept pushing me to go ahead because, listen, we had distributed invitation cards and I needed to be married."
There was another warning that, in hindsight, was even more difficult to ignore.
She revealed that her father and her fiancé's father had previously worked together.
When the families formally met, the two fathers recognised each other.
Later, she said, her prospective father-in-law gave her a startling warning about his own son:
"I'm really sorry to say this to you, but my son will worry you."
Still, she believed prayer could change the situation.
"God will change him," she remembered thinking.
Today, she sees that differently.
A Warning to People Ignoring Red Flags
Pastor Dzifa used her experience to speak directly to people who may currently be rationalising serious warning signs in their relationships.
She cautioned against assuming that marriage itself, prayer or personal investment will automatically transform someone who is unwilling to change.
"You need to snap out of that dream," she said, warning listeners against continually overlooking troubling behaviour in the hope that things will somehow become different after marriage.
Her point was not against prayer.
Rather, her experience taught her that faith should not become an excuse for ignoring what is happening directly in front of you.
Trouble Within Months of the Wedding
According to Pastor Dzifa, it took less than three months of marriage for her to realise that something was seriously wrong.
Four months after the wedding, she suffered her first miscarriage.
She recalled falling seriously ill during the pregnancy and asking her husband to take her to hospital.
According to her account, he refused because he was watching football.
She eventually took a taxi to her church while wrapped in a bedsheet because she was feverish and feeling extremely cold.
A senior nurse she met at church helped her.
Pastor Dzifa said she subsequently passed out and was admitted to hospital, where doctors discovered she had pneumonia and was also pregnant.
Her parents eventually discovered she had been hospitalised.
She said her father called her husband and asked why someone else had informed them when he was present.
Her father's response was direct:
"It's early days. If you are not interested in my daughter, bring her back."
Three Pregnancy Losses
As the marriage continued, Pastor Dzifa said she suffered further pregnancy losses.
By the time of another particularly disturbing incident she recounted on the programme, she said she had already experienced three miscarriages.
She described a pattern in the relationship where periods of peace could suddenly turn into quarrels.
According to her, confrontations sometimes escalated to the point of physical abuse, after which her husband would become remorseful and apologise.
Then came an incident she says she feared could have cost her life.
"I Thought I Was Going to Die"
Pastor Dzifa recalled being pregnant and lying on the bed while chatting with someone on her phone.
Her husband entered and demanded to know who she was speaking with.
He asked for the phone and began going through her messages.
According to Pastor Dzifa, the confrontation escalated and he began kicking her in the stomach while she was pregnant.
"I was going to die," she recalled.
She screamed until neighbours rushed into the house.
A man from the neighbouring couple pulled her husband away while the man's wife attended to her.
The Lesson: Don't Marry Because You're Desperate
Pastor Dzifa's story on Love Unscripted is painful, but its central message is important.
Marriage should not become a race.
Watching friends marry can create pressure. Age can create pressure. Family expectations can create pressure. Church communities can create pressure.
Even money already spent on a wedding can create pressure.
But none of those things should become more important than recognising serious warning signs in a relationship.
Pastor Dzifa admitted that she saw many of those signs before walking down the aisle.
She heard warnings from people around her.
She even received one from the father of the man she was preparing to marry.
Yet desperation convinced her to continue.
Years later, she is sharing that experience so someone else might make a different decision.
Her message is simple:
Don't be so desperate to get married that you ignore the person you are actually marrying.
The Couple Next Door is part of Sunny 88.7 FM's Love Unscripted series throughout August, featuring honest conversations with couples about what happens after the wedding and the realities of building a life together.
The programme airs on the Inspirational Morning Drive (IMDrive) and can also be followed through Sunny TV and SunnyGH.com.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, help is available through DOVVSU (Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit) on the Ghana Police Service helpline 191 / 18555, or through Ark Foundation Ghana.