How much is too much to spend on someone you are dating?
Should you pay their rent, school fees, support their business, take care of their family and buy expensive gifts simply because you hope the relationship will eventually lead to marriage?
These were some of the difficult questions at the centre of a lively conversation on Sunny 88.7 FM's Singles Unscripted, as Rev. Annan joined the programme to explore the thin line between genuinely supporting someone you love and investing so heavily in a relationship that you begin to expect marriage in return.
The discussion was sparked by the story of an older man who complained bitterly after spending heavily on a woman he hoped to marry. According to the account shared on the programme, he had supported her career, paid her rent, helped her business and even provided financial assistance to members of her family.
But when marriage became the issue, the age difference between them reportedly became a concern.
The situation raised a bigger question: does spending money on someone create an obligation for that person to marry you?
Rev. Annan was emphatic that it does not.
"Your investment has nothing to do with my decisions and my choices," he said, stressing that marriage ultimately remains a personal decision.
He cautioned singles against assuming that financial generosity can secure another person's love or commitment.
According to him, dating is still a period of possibility. A relationship may lead to marriage, but it may also end. That reality, he argued, should influence how much people are prepared to sacrifice financially before marriage.
"You are not her parents, so don't play the parents' role," he advised.
He added that there is no guarantee that the person receiving substantial financial support during dating will eventually become a spouse.
Don't Buy the Marriage You Hope to Have
One of the strongest lessons from the conversation was that generosity should never become an unspoken contract.
Paying someone's fees, buying an expensive phone, financing a business, paying rent or supporting a partner's family may appear to be acts of love. But problems can arise when the giver secretly attaches expectations to those acts.
If the relationship eventually fails, what was once described as a gift can suddenly feel like an investment that must produce a return.
That, Rev. Annan suggested, can breed resentment, anger and a dangerous sense of entitlement.
Singles were therefore encouraged to ask themselves a simple question before making major financial commitments: if this relationship ended tomorrow, would I still be at peace with what I gave?
If the answer is no, it may be a sign that the person is giving beyond a healthy limit.
Invest in Yourself Too
The conversation also challenged singles to consider how much they invest in themselves while dating.
Instead of pouring practically everything into another person in the hope of securing a future marriage, Rev. Annan encouraged singles to develop themselves spiritually, emotionally, socially, professionally and financially.
"How much have you invested in yourself?" he asked.
The point was simple: relationships can change, and even marriages can face unexpected difficulties. A person who has neglected his or her own development in order to build another person may be left struggling if the relationship ends.
Dating, therefore, should not mean abandoning your own future.
Love Alone Is Not Enough
The discussion went beyond money and challenged another popular assumption about marriage: that being deeply in love is enough reason to marry someone.
Rev. Annan argued that wisdom must accompany love when choosing a life partner.
Among the qualities singles were encouraged to examine were faith, trust, truthfulness, transparency, reliability, understanding, forgiveness, responsibility and genuine care.
Trust received particular attention. A person who routinely lies about small things while dating should not be expected to suddenly become truthful after marriage.
Likewise, a potential spouse should understand the other person's career, aspirations, family background, personality and vision for life rather than constantly judging or restricting them.
The programme also highlighted the importance of emotional safety: having a partner who can listen, empathise and provide support during difficult moments.
Are You Dating a Man or a Boy?
The conversation became even more pointed when the issue of maturity was raised.
Age, Rev. Annan argued, should not automatically be confused with maturity.
For men preparing for marriage, maturity should be visible in function rather than merely in age.
A prospective husband, he suggested, should demonstrate leadership, responsibility, purpose and a willingness to work. He should have a vision for his life and be capable of adding value to the life of the woman he intends to marry.
The same principle of personal development applies to women preparing for marriage.
Marriage should therefore involve two people who are intentionally becoming whole and responsible adults, rather than two people expecting a relationship to compensate for areas in which they have refused to grow.
Dating Can Hide the Real Person
A listener also raised an important concern: people often present the best versions of themselves while dating.
A man may appear exceptionally responsible, thoughtful and attentive during courtship, only for his spouse to discover a very different personality after marriage.
That makes discernment even more important.
Singles were encouraged to look beyond romantic gestures and examine patterns of behaviour over time.
Is the person truthful? Are they transparent? Are they reliable? How do they behave when disappointed? How do they treat people from whom they need nothing? Can they accept correction? Are they responsible when nobody is watching?
For Christian singles, prayer and spiritual discernment were also emphasised as essential parts of choosing a spouse.
Give With Wisdom
Perhaps the biggest lesson from the conversation was not that singles should stop helping the people they love.
It was that love should not cancel wisdom.
There is nothing wrong with giving a gift, helping during a difficult period or supporting someone you genuinely care about. But generosity becomes dangerous when it is used to purchase loyalty, intimacy or marriage.
No amount of rent paid, school fees settled, expensive phones bought, businesses financed or family members supported can guarantee that another human being will choose you as a spouse.
Give because you genuinely want to give. Support within reasonable limits. Keep building yourself. And never spend so much trying to secure someone's future with you that you destroy your own future if they eventually choose to walk away.
Because dating is not marriage, and generosity is not a marriage contract.
Singles Unscripted airs on Sunny 88.7 FM as part of the station's conversations addressing relationships, faith and the real-life issues confronting Christian singles.